by Yvonne Bynoe on July 31, 2009
What lessons can the reality show Jon & Kate Plus 8 teach you about your own life? Your initial reaction is probably… nothing. But remember that by allowing themselves to be on television within a few years this small town Pennsylvania family became national celebrities. Jon and Kate were also paid millions by TLC (TLC reportedly pays them $75K per episode) and product sponsors to be their flawed, argumentative selves. Kate has written a book and allegedly rakes in about $20K per speaking engagement. So even if you loathe reality shows or just Jon & Kate Plus 8 here is some food for thought.
When Opportunity Knocks–Open the door, but beware
Was being asked to be on a reality show a golden opportunity for the Gosselins, a couple with modest means and 8 children? OR Was it an exploitative situation that thrived on marital conflict? The answer is yes to both questions. There is always a downside to greater opportunity…it’s that a larger bank account, bigger fame, or greater power allows you to manifest more of who you already are. So if you are a jerk who wins the lottery…your money will allow you to be an even bigger a-hole. However, if you are a grounded person who wins the lottery, it’s doubtful that you’d suddenly dump your “poor” friends. Before the fame, Jon and Kate’s marriage probably had serious fissures that were not being addressed; their reality show only highlighted their growing marital problems. Jon & Kate Plus 8 teach us that before you are REALLY ready to take on greater opportunity, you should develop the grace, self-knowledge, and common sense needed to handle the life that you already have.
Life is Always Changing…Roll with it
The Gosselin family’s television career began with a 1 hour Discovery Health program called Surviving Sextuplets and Twins. The appeal of the clean cut family with 8 small children got them their own show. Jon & Kate Plus 8 became a ratings winner for TLC…that is until 32 year old Jon was seen in photos with a 23 year school teacher(and a few other women). It was also alleged that Kate had something going on with the head of security. The bottom line is that after 10 years of marriage Kate filed for divorce on June 22, 2009. Jon and Kate however decided that the reality show will go on. Starting August 3 the divorcing couple will be presented as co-parents. Each parent will take turns living in their PA mansion and caring for their eight children.(When they’re not in PA, Jon’s got a new pad in Manhattan and Kate’s got new digs in Rockville,MD) There is also talk that Jon and Kate will be shown dating new people. Life is not static: we change and so do our circumstances. The course of Jon and Kate’s professional and personal lives teaches us that we must be adaptable to new realities. . In the words of Bruce Lee, “Don’t get set into one form, adapt it and build your own, and let it grow, be like water.”
Let the Critics Be Damned
Some critics have accused Kate of being domineering. Others have said that she berated Jon and emasculated him. The tabloids have portrayed Jon as a balding wannabee Lothario. Various family members and former employees have accused Jon and Kate (but particularly Kate) of exploiting their children. Even famed attorney Gloria Allard has publicly weighed in on these charges. The majority of critics felt qualified to make judgments about Jon and Kate’s lives and parenting based on watching a television program that has been edited. Despite the critics, Jon and Kate decided to continue the show because they have eight children who need to be housed, clothed, fed and educated. It’s inevitable that someone is not going to like your lifestyle, your spouse/partner, your attitude or how you parenting. The opinions of naysayers however are irrelevant—you shouldn’t run your life by committee. The lesson of Jon & Kate Plus 8 is to ignore the haters and to make the decisions that you deem best for your life and your family.
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No problem! But here’s what you MUST include:Yvonne Bynoe is a life coach whose company, SophisticatedWomanandMama.com supports working mothers. She is also the creator of the Working Moms Balancing System (TM), the proven step-by-step program to design your best life–one that is less stressful, more fulfilling and more prosperous. Find out more about Yvonne Bynoe at http://www.SophisticatedWomanandMama.com
by Yvonne Bynoe on July 31, 2009
Flex time, telecommuting, part-time work and job sharing are vehicles that allow working women to spend more time with their families while remaining professionally viable. The reality is that some jobs simply don’t lend themselves to these employment arrangements, such as teachers, doctors and chefs. However for the vast majority of working women there’s no GOOD reason given telephone, email, tele/video conferencing(other than tradition), why they need to be in the office 40-60 hours per week.
Asking for a flex time job arrangement has nothing to do with relegating yourself to the infamous “mommy track,” There are companies that allow employees (male and female) to select from a menu of work options. There are part-time law partners who still handle major cases. There are also executives who work full time, but are only in the office about 30 hours a week. There are also companies, especially in the technology sector, that allow employees to work from wherever. So whether or not your company currently has a flex time policy is not necessarily important. However what is important is whether or not you can make a strong case to your immediate boss that you should be allowed to have a flexible schedule.
The book Womenomics by Claire Shipman (Good Morning America) and Katty Kay, (BBC) promotes the idea that because women are nearly one half of our national workforce, they have the power to demand more employment options. They insist that these changes would help working mothers to have more “work-life control” resulting in less stress and guilt in their struggle to balance family and work obligations. Moreover they believe that workplace changes will benefit all workers, not just parents.
According to Womenomics the number one reason working mothers don’t get flex time arrangements is that they don’t ask for it. Here are some of the tips that Shipman and Katy suggest for negotiating a more flexible work schedule.
1. Perform Well and Know It: Womenomics states that managers repeatedly said that they would do nearly anything to accommodate women who added value to the company. Whether you are considered an asset to the company—someone who they don’t want to lose is determined by a number of factors: your annual appraisals; whether you are meeting sales targets; whether you are considered a thought-leader in your company; how much access to you have to higher ups and how easy it would be to replace you. If you are unsure of your value to your company, immediately schedule a candid talk with you boss about where you stand…and maybe to toot your own horn. If the news is positive you can then move forward with your plan to request a schedule change. However you may come away with ideas about how you can improve your actual performance and/or his or her perception of you and your contribution. At a later a date, after you have strengthened your position, you can then revisit this topic.
2. Know What You Are Asking For: Get clear about how you want your work schedule and life to change. Would you like to work a 4 day week instead of 5? Would you like to work a 4 hour day, instead of an 8+ hour day? Do want to come in or leave a hour or two earlier or later? Would you prefer to telecommute, working full time but coming to the office only one or two times per week? The distinctions are important because they impact your desired lifestyle change. For instance, taking a part-time position, means working less, the trade off is a cut in salary and benefits. Additionally, unless you take a demotion, you’ll probably have the same workload. Similarly, while telecommuting allows you skip coming into the office you are still on-call during business hours. This means that you’ll probably still need child care and it’s doubtful that you’ll be able to sneak off to a yoga class without your cell phone going off.
3. Be prepared to Reassure Your Boss on Every Level
Womenomics says that you should be ready to talk to your boss about why you want a schedule change. Shipman and Katy say that manager’s main concern about flexible work schedules is productivity…or rather its decline once an employee is off-site. Regardless of the schedule that you are proposing, it’s critical that you, in a detailed plan, clearly tell your boss how you plan to cover your work responsibilities, including project deadlines, client meetings, staff inquiries, telephone/email access, etc. On that note, it’s necessary to assure your boss that you are equipped to work from home; this means describing your home office (computer, software, fax, copier, separate phone line, etc.) Tell your boss that your office is in a separate room, so that his or she doesn’t imagine you doing major deals on the kitchen table while the plumber fixes the faucet. It also means being clear that your children will not be under foot during business hours. State that your children are in school, indicating the hours, and/or that you are have a relative, nanny or other child care provider to mind them while you are working.
4. Once You’ve Got Your Deal, Don’t Take it For Granted: The point of this tip is to keep the communication open with your boss. It’s a given that you need to continue to perform well on your job, however you also need to regularly take the pulse of your supervisors to make sure they are still on board. Be proactive in keeping in touch with your colleagues and higher-ups, letting them know that while you may not be in the office as much, you’re still in the loop and therefore expect to be contacted whenever necessary. It is particularly important to initiate a dialogue with your boss if now you’re being passed over for plum assignments, key decisions are being made without your or someone less qualified is promoted over you.
Want To Use This Article on Your Website or Ezine?
No problem! But here’s what you MUST include:Yvonne Bynoe is a life coach whose company, SophisticatedWomanandMama.com supports working mothers. She is also the creator of the Working Moms Balancing System (TM), the proven step-by-step program to design your best life–one that is less stressful, more fulfilling and more prosperous. Find out more about Yvonne Bynoe at http://www.SophisticatedWomanandMama.com
