Financial Managment

You may be thinking, “This blog’s about women overcoming underearning, why is Yvonne writing a post about child support?” It’s because it’s another area where women avoid taking steps to improve their financial lives. Today, nearly half of all marriages end in divorce and across the board, there’s been an increase in the number of unwed parents. Since women tend to be underearners, most single mothers literally can’t afford not to seek child support.

As the mother of a 5 years old son, I know that child-related costs don’t end with food, clothing and shelter. They also include health insurance and/or doctor fees; medicines; school activities; and before or after school care. Despite these costs, many single mothers voluntarily forgo child support.

I want to make my position very clear, not seeking child support is financially detrimental—especially if you’re struggling to make ends.

According to Carolyn Edgar , a NYC attorney, divorced mom and blogger, mothers don’t seek child support because they want to avoid dealing with the fathers. According to Edgar, “Courts don’t link child support with visitation, but a man who is paying child support will expect and demand visits, which may be uncomfortable for the woman.”

Marjorie Bostwick a Florida-based life coach for single mothers says, “The child support office gives you the run around and can become time consuming. When I transferred from one state to another it took a year before they called me in for an appointment.”

A disgruntled ex or an ineffective child support office are real issues for single mothers. However I’m still not sold that they override the financial imperatives of raising children. A mother who is not receiving child support will likely have to work more hours, which means she spends less time with her kids. In the alternative, this mother could just expect her children to make do with less. Both scenarios are problematic if her children’s father is able-bodied and gainfully employed in the Unites States.

Both parents have an emotional and a financial responsibility to their children. The end of a relationship or a marriage doesn’t terminate those responsibilities.

To apply for child support requires going to your local social services office. In most instances you will need the following information: the father’s Social Security number, address, last known employer and if possible, a picture. If you and the father weren’t married it helps if you have paternity papers and he has signed the child’s birth certificate.

Making child support arrangements outside the court system is a risky move. In these instances the mother can only pray that her ex makes consistent payments. Edgar says, “The parties can always agree to accept less/pay more than formulas dictate, but best for it to be done through the courts so the payer has a record of payment, and the recipient has an enforceable order.”

I won’t lie, there are deadbeat dads . Men can lose also their jobs or they can choose to work off-the-books. All of this means that obtaining a child support order doesn’t guarantee that you’ll see any money. However women have to actively pursue financial opportunities that will benefit their lives. In the instance of child support, the lives of a woman’s children can be greatly enhanced by the additional money that comes into her household.

Let me know what you think.

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Photo Credit: HuNo (Off & On)

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Recently Vanity Fair magazine ran an article Desperately Seeking Sugar Daddies Culture” about a young woman who signs up with a dating site that matches women with older, wealthy men aka sugar daddies. The woman is tired of the grind of her job. She aspires to be a freelance writer (financially precarious employment) and wants a “benefactor” to support her Sex and the City ambitions. As the writer straddles the line between dating and prostitution it becomes clear to the reader the high price that women pay for not being financially independent.

The writer quickly finds out that the sugar daddies are not interested in marriage or in giving cash. For these older men, a young woman ’s youth and good looks are her only trading chips. It actually enhances the older man’s cache to have a young, well dressed woman on his arm. Unfortunately the endless supply of young, attractive women means that women don’t have much leverage with wealthy men—particularly those not inclined to marry. At the end of a young woman’s run with sugar daddies, she’ll be slightly older (less desirable) with only some outdated, designer clothing, a few pieces of David Yurman jewelry and some passport stamps to hold onto— no real estate, no stocks, no bonds, not even a car. She’ll have no assets which is no bueno.

Before you scoff—there’s nothing inherently wrong with wanting a financially successful man. It’s nice to have someone who can buy you nice gifts and whisk you off for romantic weekends. There however is a downside. Problem A arises when your entire way of life is dependent on someone else’s largesse. You can’t be yourself because you need to always meet his needs and expectations to keep his coffers open. Which leads to Problem B. What do you do when for whatever reason the sugar daddy ends the relationship? In this sugar daddy culture you’re over the hill at 25 yeas old.

There’s no financial certainty even if you marry a wealthy man. For every Elin Woods who stands to reap a billion dollar divorce pay-out there are millions more women like Danielle from The Real Housewives of New Jersey who are in financial limbo (along with her kids) because her ex-husband is withholding money and she has no job.

It’s important that women have a money mentality–meaning that their salaries are more than sufficient to pay for their needs and their wants. If you’re an underearner, a woman who consistently makes less money than is beneficial your first task is to acknowledge that you are in financial peril. Your first task should be to work on the creating a mindset and habits that will support you increasing your income–not outsourcing that to someone else. If you meet Mr. Big then you’re not coming to the table like a beggar, but as a woman of means.

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