Money Talk Interview

I’ve been following Helen Kim for several months—every since I tuned into a 4 part teleseries that she held featuring Edwene Gaines, author of The Four Spiritual Laws of Prosperity. I found Helen’s approach to be holistic and void of all of the “get rich quick,” prosperity hype that is rampant online.

Helen believes that “Awareness is key in this work of undercovering your money beliefs and coming to understand that which prevents you from moving into your desired place of being.”

Helen is a a former cellist, educated at the Juilliard School of Music who’s performed at Carnegie Hall. That experience coupled with 20 years as a consultant in business development, career counseling, and management, makes her a great person to deal with the money paradoxes of creative people. Helen is a Certified Financial Recovery Counselor. She can be found on Twitter at @HelenKim.

1. What is your relationship with money?

My relationship with money is a practice so in that sense I am always working on it. I see money as a portal into our consciousness indicating where there are stuck points and where there is flow in my life. As with any healthy relationship it’s one that requires constant attention and nurturing and by the way, it’s one of the longest relationships we will ever have in our lives so why not make it as open and dynamic as it can be?!

2. What is the most important lesson you’ve learned about managing your money?

You have to be able to answer the questions, “Who Am I?”, “What do I Want?” and “Why Am I Here?” first. Managing your money is a dance between your inner and material worlds. If you have your answers, decisions around your finances including how you choose to make, spend and save it will come from a place of clarity. You simply ask yourself if your actions take you closer to or further away from who you are, what you want, and your life purpose.

Money is a magnifying mirror and merely amplifies whatever beliefs, thoughts and skill sets you have around money. This is why lottery winners so frequently fail to hold on to their earnings; they lack self awareness around their life values and their own relationship with money. If you want more, then take extreme care of what you have now and more money will flow your way. Think microcosm equals macrocosm.

3. What is the biggest emotional challenge that most women have around money?

Too many women feel stuck in their ability to create a prosperous life for themselves. There are many reasons why but one of the most prevalent challenges I see them battling is one of confusion about their value. Our perceptions about ourselves were formed from a very young age so most people start connecting their dots by returning to their first experiences around money and remembering what their parents/guardians relationship with money was. Since most of us learned about money by osmosis, we can get obvious clues as to why we believe what we believe by looking at their relationship with money. At the root of cyclical or constant challenges around money (not unforeseen circumstances, but constant money issues) is pain. The work is in uncovering the source.

I think it’s important to note that too many women feel isolated in their challenges with money. One of the most frequent comments from audiences and workshop participants is that after hearing what others in the room have to say, they realize they are not alone in their worries about money. Since it’s very difficult to create lasting change without support or help I suggest finding or creating a support system that will keep you and your money at the forefront of your life.

4. If a woman changes her relationship with money, what else changes in her life?

I’ve seen it over and over again; once awareness around a woman’s relationship with money has taken hold she is much more clear about boundaries, what is or is not acceptable in her life. As a result she rids herself of things she can no longer tolerate because there’s movement; she’s moving on… I’ve seen women get in and out of relationships and friendships, drop a lot of their emotional and body baggage, start dressing more boldly, and confidently command more income! Money is a portal into your consciousness and the willingness to have clarity around your money means the willingness to examine what is true and what is just an old story concocted to mask fear and pain. We know it’s never just about the money, but more money means more possibilities to change your world for the better and contribute to the lives of others. That’s empowering!

5. Why are women, more than men, prone to underearning?

Women don’t ask for what they want and are less reluctant to negotiate. A lot of women feel that if they speak their mind, they will be seen as bitchy, crass or unfeminine. By not asking the belief is that you will avoid feeling unwanted, disliked or unaccepted. The irony here is that when you avoid asking for what you desire and need you are putting your destiny in the hands of others. Yes, you will alienate people in the process of being upfront but what I have found is that people ultimately respect people who are straight forward about who they are and what they need. You know where they stand. Asking for what you want is a skill so practice, practice, practice! Do it with a buddy or do it in front of a mirror. Keep going until you can do it without flinching.

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Lisa is a life balance specialist and coach at Craving Balance Coaching, and Head Coach and Course Leader in the Craving Balance Learning Community. She believes that the quest for balance points fundamentally to a crisis of purpose, not time management.

In her spirited work with women executives and entrepreneurs, she rigorously guides women to make choices that connect their intrinsic value with their economic value to create thriving lives—and livelihoods that shatter the glass ceiling. In May I listened to Lisa’s mini-negotiating course with Victoria Pynchon. They were so spot on!

In clear language they discussed why women are resistent to negotiating better salaries, perks and benefits…and how they can improve their skills. Several women on the call indicated that didn’t know they could negotiate a higher salary. These women soon learned what most men already know… nearly everything is negotiable.

1. Why is it important for women to negotiate their salaries and benefits packages?

First of all, thank you for asking me fabulous questions, and for being a pragmatic “light worker” in helping women see the true value of their work in the world. You’re performing an amazing service.

The statistics tell us that women stand to lose $1.2 million over the course of their career if they don’t speak up and ask for what they want in their first job out of college. If you think about what women choose to do with their money, this is a significant loss. When we have economic well-being, we start businesses, we launch nonprofits, we lobby for clean water, we stand in front of tanks to stop genocide. We don’t go out and buy stockpiles of guns, we change the world. So it’s important to the survival of the planet that women get who they really are and what they’re capable of generating.

What experience tells us is that when women stay asleep to their personal and economic power they are more likely to live life as the victims of one oppression or another. To live small. We tolerate jobs we hate with pay that’s beneath our value. We tolerate loveless marriages because we know we can’t support ourselves. We fail to engage our children in chores and household contributions and waste our breath complaining about how nobody lifts a finger. We say yes to projects and activities because we’re “supposed to” rather than choosing what goes on our plate based on our own intrinsic values. We hear these stories day in, day out, and flat out, it’s debilitating.

2. What’s the biggest fear that prevents women from asking for a pay raise (or raising their fees)?

Women fear being associated with the words “bossy, bitchy, assertive, aggressive, demanding, expectant, deserving, willful and powerful.” So instead, we choose the disease of “looking good” and suffer bitterly. I would have to say the runner up is fear of not being able to measure up (the Fraud Factor). Because we so undervalue ourselves, we think we have to work twice as hard as everyone else before we deserve even our sub-par salaries. We keep thinking someone will notice how amazing we are and wave a magic wand of zeros to our paychecks.

3. Describe your relationship with money.

How trite is this saying: Do what you love and the money will follow. I love it, I agree with it 100 percent, but after years of striving, my experience showed me the exact opposite. I would whine, “What the hell am I doing wrong that I can’t make a living doing what I love? Why is everyone lying?” When I learned that it wasn’t all magical thinking, but required a bit of practical research to find my value, like marketplace comparables, and staking a claim for what I was worth, my entire life changed. Now I change it up to add, “Do what you love, ask for what you’re worth, play with people who are better than you, and the money will follow.” Somehow money keeps showing up.

4. What is the most important lesson that you’ve learned about earning what you’re worth?

It’s all about recognizing opportunity. A little story…

When I was an employee, I had to learn that I was actually in a negotiable relationship. Everything about my work-life was negotiable, but no matter the title or responsibility, I typically took the salary offer, the benefit package, and all the other pieces and parts as the domain of my employer rather than things I could bargain with and claim some control over.

Before I started coaching I was an education director for a national nonprofit hard hit by the repercussions of 9/11. When they told me they needed to cut my salary by 20 percent, I said, “Okay, and I will need to end my day at 3 p.m. to take advantage of my 3/4 time status. Don’t worry, I’ll get my work done.” Leadership agreed to my offer. I made serious changes to things like my committee work and team meetings, and as a result I was able to pick my son up from school and watch his soccer practices and take him to piano lessons.”

Bottom line, there are abundant opportunities to design the shape of your work and life. It’s like seeing a sentence with a comma at then end instead of a period.

5. How does increasing her income impact a woman’s self-esteem and quality of life?

I think I addressed this in the first question, but I’ll add here that women typically don’t go out and buy Corvettes and Rolexes to show off their new found wealth when they get it. They turn it into good. So when women prosper personally, the world prospers. In turn, this boosts our self esteem, and our “perceived value” in the world. We’re worth it, and now we know it. We experience it.

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