Many women have VERY flexible standards which leads to them date subpar men and to stay in subpar jobs. Your standards are no more than the criteria that you use to determine whether a person or a situation fits into your desired life. Women often claim that they want to make more money or they want better relationships, yet they refuse to terminate the subpar.
Subpar is defined as “Not measuring up to traditional standards of performance, value, or production.” Simply replace the word “traditional” with “my” and you have a personalized term.
Low Standards Lead to Your Needs Not Being Met.
When your standards are low you accept virtually everything and everybody into your realm. You don’t assess whether or not a job, or a relationship is actually good for you—you’re just glad that it’s there. It’s like the woman who claims that she want to be in a monogamous relationship with a financially stable man that will lead to marriage. This same woman however is dating married men, men who are unemployed and/or men who are openly disdainful of commitment. In the course of these subpar relationships none of her relationship needs or wants are being met.
The woman does want a more fulfilling relationship but she consistently settles for far less. She could doubt her ability to be in a successful relationship with a monogamous, marriage-minded man. This woman may also be unwilling to make the emotional and lifestyle changes that it would take to attract the man she desires. Standards are important for creating the relationship that you want as well as the income that you desire.
What is your income standard?
Unsure? Your income standard should be the amount of money that you need to earn to comfortably meet your monthly expenses AND save for the future. After you’ve figured out your income standard, compare it to your current salary. How big is the gap between your income standard and your actual pay? After you’ve done the math, it’s time to examine WHY you are willingly accepting less money than you need and desire?
There are host of WHY’s women frequently give for underearning, including:
The economy is bad
I work for a small company
My field doesn’t pay high salaries
I don’t have the training, degree, license…necessary to earn more money
The reality is:
In every economic cycle there are high earning women
There are always other companies to work for
You can leave a low-paying profession
In the 21st century, continuing education isn’t optional—it’s a necessity for high income professionals
There are two REAL reasons why women settle for subpar incomes:
1) They don’t believe that they are capable of doing better. If you fundamentally believe that you don’t have the intelligence, background or skills to earn money, you’ll won’t seek out opportunities to make more money.
2) They don’t want to commit to the changes that are necessary to increase your income. If you really don’t want to put in the effort to: change your money mindset; look for a higher paying job; get additional training; move to an area with more employment options; get coaching) you’ll just settle for a life of financial struggle.
Both reasons center on fear…fear of failure, fear of the unknown, fear of rejection and fear or rejection/criticism….fear.
Awareness always precedes change.
Starting with your income, be honest with yourself about why you’re willing to go to work everyday, yet struggle financially. Are you fearful that you don’t have the ability to do earn more money or are your fearful about the life changes that would be necessary for you earn a higher income.
Once you set standards for your income and more forward to adhere to them, you’ll likely feel compelled to cut loose the other subpar aspects of your life.
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Photo Credit: Ed Yourdon
by admin on June 26, 2010
For years I wrote about how popular culture impacted people’s expectations of themselves and society. The more things change the more they stay the same. Whether it’s a famous man’s mistress doing a press junket, the culture of bottle girls (straddling service & prostitution) at VIP clubs or young girls hooking up with old codgers—the recurring cultural theme is that a woman achieves wealth through a man. Following that advice however is more likely than not to keep a woman broke and/or in a bad relationship. What’s really needed is more emphasis being placed on women becoming financially independent.
Too many women don’t focus on getting higher paying jobs or shoring up their finances.
Instead they maintain the idea that a man is going to come along and rescue them financially. Granted some women do meet and marry wealthy men and live happily ever after. I’d also never advocate partnering with a man who wasn’t financially self-sufficient. My chief point is that rather than staking your financial well-being on a man, a woman would be better served to create her own money. Then if she meets Mr. Big Bucks it’s all gravy– like Beyonce & Jay-Z . More important, if Mr. Big Bucks turns out to have no other redeeming quality than a large bank roll the woman has the financial means to exit the relationship.
Today I listened to Drake’s single, “Fancy,” on it he shouts-out financially independent women. Aside from having “their nails done, their hair done & everything big,” according to Drake these women are “homeowners and degree holders.” Ne-Yo also praised women who had their own on his 2008 single “Miss Independent.” These songs however are the exception, not the rule in mainstream Hip Hop culture. The days of Queen Latifah and All Hail The Queen was short-lived and long ago. At least in rock and pop from Janis Joplin to Lady Gaga there’s a more robust tradition of independent women’s voices, existing as a counter to the subservient woman model.
In the world of R&B and Hip Hop women are rarely the bosses or shot-callers; they’re usually depicted as “riders.” The female rider supports the man in her life by providing good sex and eye candy AND by dealing with his infidelities and general foolishness. In exchange wifey, as she’s known, lives a lavish lifestyle—that is as long as the wealthy man is pleased with her. When he’s ready to move onto the next woman it’s hasta la vista baby.
Earlier this month rap artist Slim Thug stirred up controversy in a Vibe.com article when he said that White women knew their role in a relationship and that Black women should “bow down” to successful Black men. I must add the Slim didn’t specify his criteria for “successful”–so the thousandnaire may qualify. Anyway, despite the precariousness of relying on “borrowed money” many women still see a men as a financial plan.
Here’s the take-away….
Love is complex and relationships do end (even if by death). I tell clients who are struggling with the “Prince Charming” syndrome that they can leave a relationship in one of two ways:
1) With a high income and assets that allows them the time and space to grieve, reflect & rebuild…OR
2) With no or a low income and no savings/ investments resulting in severe financial insecurity and the high levels of stress and no means to protect your legal rights.
I’m raising my glass to the women who are already shot callers in their lives and to the women ready to take the step toward becoming Ms. Financially Independent.
I’d love you help your audience, women’s organization or your group of friends become financially independent. Here’s how you can hire me to speak at your event.
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Photo Credit: Banana Wacks
