Many women have VERY flexible standards which leads to them date subpar men and to stay in subpar jobs. Your standards are no more than the criteria that you use to determine whether a person or a situation fits into your desired life. Women often claim that they want to make more money or they want better relationships, yet they refuse to terminate the subpar.
Subpar is defined as “Not measuring up to traditional standards of performance, value, or production.” Simply replace the word “traditional” with “my” and you have a personalized term.
Low Standards Lead to Your Needs Not Being Met.
When your standards are low you accept virtually everything and everybody into your realm. You don’t assess whether or not a job, or a relationship is actually good for you—you’re just glad that it’s there. It’s like the woman who claims that she want to be in a monogamous relationship with a financially stable man that will lead to marriage. This same woman however is dating married men, men who are unemployed and/or men who are openly disdainful of commitment. In the course of these subpar relationships none of her relationship needs or wants are being met.
The woman does want a more fulfilling relationship but she consistently settles for far less. She could doubt her ability to be in a successful relationship with a monogamous, marriage-minded man. This woman may also be unwilling to make the emotional and lifestyle changes that it would take to attract the man she desires. Standards are important for creating the relationship that you want as well as the income that you desire.
What is your income standard?
Unsure? Your income standard should be the amount of money that you need to earn to comfortably meet your monthly expenses AND save for the future. After you’ve figured out your income standard, compare it to your current salary. How big is the gap between your income standard and your actual pay? After you’ve done the math, it’s time to examine WHY you are willingly accepting less money than you need and desire?
There are host of WHY’s women frequently give for underearning, including:
The economy is bad
I work for a small company
My field doesn’t pay high salaries
I don’t have the training, degree, license…necessary to earn more money
The reality is:
In every economic cycle there are high earning women
There are always other companies to work for
You can leave a low-paying profession
In the 21st century, continuing education isn’t optional—it’s a necessity for high income professionals
There are two REAL reasons why women settle for subpar incomes:
1) They don’t believe that they are capable of doing better. If you fundamentally believe that you don’t have the intelligence, background or skills to earn money, you’ll won’t seek out opportunities to make more money.
2) They don’t want to commit to the changes that are necessary to increase your income. If you really don’t want to put in the effort to: change your money mindset; look for a higher paying job; get additional training; move to an area with more employment options; get coaching) you’ll just settle for a life of financial struggle.
Both reasons center on fear…fear of failure, fear of the unknown, fear of rejection and fear or rejection/criticism….fear.
Awareness always precedes change.
Starting with your income, be honest with yourself about why you’re willing to go to work everyday, yet struggle financially. Are you fearful that you don’t have the ability to do earn more money or are your fearful about the life changes that would be necessary for you earn a higher income.
Once you set standards for your income and more forward to adhere to them, you’ll likely feel compelled to cut loose the other subpar aspects of your life.
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Photo Credit: Ed Yourdon
by admin on June 29, 2010
Years ago “Keepin’ It Real,” was a phrase that rap artists and diehard rap fans used ad naseum. By saying this phrase the speaker indicated that he would never forget where he came from—the streets. Similarly many women are underearners because they believe that it would be disloyal to leave their friends and family behind—financially. These women mistakenly believe that stagnation equals authenicity.
Underearning women are extremely uncomfortable with the idea of making more money than their parents, siblings, friends and spouses.
In their minds to do so is to abandon their community—to move beyond their station in life. They’re fearful of being criticized for daring to achieve more than their peers. They’re afraid that having more money would cause their long-term relationships to end and then they’d be alone. Rather than face their fears, instead they sabotage their own financial advancement.
Within Hip Hop debates raged about whether artists like Jay-Z, a multi-millionaire living in a Tribeca penthouse, could remain authentic. Jay-Z, while never shying away from his hustler origins in the Marcy Houses, nonetheless created an entertainment empire. He also matured as a man. On his single, On To the Next One he raps, “Used to rock a throw back [jersey] ballin’ on the corner. Now I rock a tailored suit looking like an owner.” Moreover he’s appeared on mainstream television such as Charlie Rose and Oprah and even garnered an invitation to President Obama’s inauguration.
In comparison, most of the “keep it real” purists are still broke and in the ‘hood. Jay-Z and other successful people know that authenticity is about embracing your past as you step into your future. To move from being an underearner to high income earner, you have to use your personal history to ground you as you propel forward. You have to declare your authenticity as it relates to you, not to your social circle.
When you’re being authentic you’ll know when your salary is too low for your financial well-being and you’ll take actions to make earn more money.
You’ll also be comfortable in your own skin (whatever color and shape it is), knowing that you are worthy of more and better. When you’re being authentic, you’ll know that everyone is not going to agree with your decisions or your life path. However you’re clear that it’s your journey and your choices to make. In thinking about authenticity I’m drawn to the definition that I found in the book Style Statement: Life By Your Own Design. This book was my introduction to Danielle LaPorte, a brillant, unconventional business strategist. In this thought-provoking book the reader’s style preferences are gauged as a way to identify core values, beliefs and desires. According to Style Statement:
There is no wrong or right way to be yourself. The basis of authenticity is acceptance. Authenticity has many interpretations. Sometimes being real means being true to our heritage. Sometimes it means being true in your current circumstances. Most often, authenticity is simply what feels right. Even if we have repeatedly repressed or neglected the truest aspect of our being…It’s never too late to become the real you.
Some things to ponder…..
Isn’t it possible that a relationship/friendship will end even if you don’t increase your income?
Has being an underearner REALLY made you criticism-proof?
More income gives you the opportunity to expand your social circle.
Money won’t change you, your basic character, it simply allows you to express more of who you already are.
P.S. I’d love you to help your audience, women’s organization or your group of friends become financially authentic. Here’s how you can hire me to speak at your event.
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Photo Credit: ©sammie
