by admin on June 26, 2010
For years I wrote about how popular culture impacted people’s expectations of themselves and society. The more things change the more they stay the same. Whether it’s a famous man’s mistress doing a press junket, the culture of bottle girls (straddling service & prostitution) at VIP clubs or young girls hooking up with old codgers—the recurring cultural theme is that a woman achieves wealth through a man. Following that advice however is more likely than not to keep a woman broke and/or in a bad relationship. What’s really needed is more emphasis being placed on women becoming financially independent.
Too many women don’t focus on getting higher paying jobs or shoring up their finances.
Instead they maintain the idea that a man is going to come along and rescue them financially. Granted some women do meet and marry wealthy men and live happily ever after. I’d also never advocate partnering with a man who wasn’t financially self-sufficient. My chief point is that rather than staking your financial well-being on a man, a woman would be better served to create her own money. Then if she meets Mr. Big Bucks it’s all gravy– like Beyonce & Jay-Z . More important, if Mr. Big Bucks turns out to have no other redeeming quality than a large bank roll the woman has the financial means to exit the relationship.
Today I listened to Drake’s single, “Fancy,” on it he shouts-out financially independent women. Aside from having “their nails done, their hair done & everything big,” according to Drake these women are “homeowners and degree holders.” Ne-Yo also praised women who had their own on his 2008 single “Miss Independent.” These songs however are the exception, not the rule in mainstream Hip Hop culture. The days of Queen Latifah and All Hail The Queen was short-lived and long ago. At least in rock and pop from Janis Joplin to Lady Gaga there’s a more robust tradition of independent women’s voices, existing as a counter to the subservient woman model.
In the world of R&B and Hip Hop women are rarely the bosses or shot-callers; they’re usually depicted as “riders.” The female rider supports the man in her life by providing good sex and eye candy AND by dealing with his infidelities and general foolishness. In exchange wifey, as she’s known, lives a lavish lifestyle—that is as long as the wealthy man is pleased with her. When he’s ready to move onto the next woman it’s hasta la vista baby.
Earlier this month rap artist Slim Thug stirred up controversy in a Vibe.com article when he said that White women knew their role in a relationship and that Black women should “bow down” to successful Black men. I must add the Slim didn’t specify his criteria for “successful”–so the thousandnaire may qualify. Anyway, despite the precariousness of relying on “borrowed money” many women still see a men as a financial plan.
Here’s the take-away….
Love is complex and relationships do end (even if by death). I tell clients who are struggling with the “Prince Charming” syndrome that they can leave a relationship in one of two ways:
1) With a high income and assets that allows them the time and space to grieve, reflect & rebuild…OR
2) With no or a low income and no savings/ investments resulting in severe financial insecurity and the high levels of stress and no means to protect your legal rights.
I’m raising my glass to the women who are already shot callers in their lives and to the women ready to take the step toward becoming Ms. Financially Independent.
I’d love you help your audience, women’s organization or your group of friends become financially independent. Here’s how you can hire me to speak at your event.
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Photo Credit: Banana Wacks
by admin on June 23, 2010
As a former underearner I can attest that many underpaid women are well-educated, intelligent, and extremely competent. The problem is that an underearner’s pay is not commensurate with her talents or with her financial needs. I was far from destitute however I wasn’t consistently making the money that I needed to create financial stability. In truth, underearning serves to foster some core belief that a woman holds; I was no different.
Although women say that they want to stop underearning they continue to underearn because in some way it serves them.
I had the fundamental belief that I couldn’t make a lot of money AND maintain my freedom. I didn’t see the point of having a larger salary if I wouldn’t have time to spend it (I had friends who were basically living in their offices because they were clocking 80 hour weeks). After my last corporate gig ended I started a not-for-profit organization, gave lectures, consulted and wrote for publications. Financially it was a feast or famine cycle: Big checks for some projects; followed by some smaller checks; then the money dried up—until the next big project.
I had a very good life and I could pay my bills—so change wasn’t a priority until I became a mother. To me, being a responsible mother meant that financially I had to be able to manage my household alone. Unfortunately I had seen several close friends go into a financial free-fall when their husbands lost their jobs or divorced them—I didn’t want to follow suit. The first step to any new behavior is awareness. Once I acknowledged my belief that money and freedom were mutually exclusive, I was able to reprogram my thinking.
5 Common Motivations Behind Underearning:
1. To Stay in Your Comfort Zone: An underearner sticks with a familiar (underpaying) job rather than risk the failure or rejection that’s associated with attempting to seek and maintain a higher paying position.
2. Fear of Giving Something Up: High salaried women look at reasonable trade-offs, “Would I be willing to give up X situation to get a higher salary.” In comparison, underearners only think in terms of sacrifice: “I’d have to up X (something extremely valuable to them) for me to earn more money”. The underearner can’t justify the extra money being worth the sacrifice.
3. Fear That The Money Would Be Taken Away: Some underearners curtail their income because they’re fearful that they wouldn’t be able to enjoy their additional money in peace. In their minds, if they had more money they’d be pressured to give more to elderly parents, adult children or ne’re do well siblings.
4. Fear that You Won’t Know How To Handle It: Many professional women easily handle their personal & household budgets, yet become paralyzed at the prospect of investing. An underearner doesn’t have any extra money to invest and therefore doesn’t have to address her money management fears.
5. To Maintain Their “This is My Life” Mindset: Many underearners believe that only “other” people can lead fulfilling and financially prosperous lives. Consequently they see their life and options as extremely limited. If you have trouble seeing greater possibilities for your life, even if your current circumstances are bad, you’ll maintain the status quo.
Take some time to ask yourself how your life would change if you earned a larger income. Be aware of any resistence that you’re feeling. If there’s any “Mo Money, Mo’ Problems” energy cropping up, try and get clear about the “problems” that additional income would present for you.
Also of Interest:
What’s Keeping You From Earning More Money
How Are High Income Women Different From Underearners
Are You Earning What You Deserve?
